I Take the Bait

"You would make a great Oriental."

"Wha..." I gulp, pausing with the paper towel I have been using to clean the top of the kitchen island. Where did that come from? Dare I ask for clarification? Is it possible it's a compliment? No, of course not. If I speak, or even stay in the room long enough for my mom to realize I have not responded verbally, she will keep talking and it will end up a slur to all people in Asia and any one who ever had ancestors from Asia, as well as a well placed dig at some foible or defect of my own.

My brain is spinning. How can I extricate myself? I am obviously in the middle of something, I can't just walk out. I consider blurting out "Gotta go, Christmas tree's on fire," but I can't do the right thing. I have to know. Like the proverbial cat, my insatiable curiosity is going to be my downfall.

"What do you mean, I would make a good Oriental? Are we talking carpets?"

"No, I mean with the cleaning. You're just like an Oriental - they are always cleaning - they keep their kitchens so clean." They do? How many Oriental kitchens have you been in, Ma?

"I did not know that. I had never heard that particular stereotype"

"It's not a stereotype. They do. You know that Chinese woman I used to take care of? She was always cleaning and telling me to clean her kitchen." Mom did a stint as a sitter when people would go out of town and needed someone to care for their elders in their absence. So that's it. My mother's experience with one woman ostensibly from China translates into unequivocal truth for the population of an entire landmass and many large islands therearound.

"Mom, that's ONE PERSON."

"Oh, and your uncle's wife, too. All the Chinese are like that."

"Way's not Chinese, she's Malaysian." OK, of Chinese descent. Now she's got me so worked up I'm just being contrary. This is so wrong on so many levels I'm trying to deconstruct the many flaws in her logic, but I settle for using all my energy to JUST SHUT UP. Like a violent ocean wave, it will pass if I just let it.

Does this stuff happen to anyone else?